TEA!
by topersnake
Summary: Edgeworth loved tea. So it was no surprise that he loved Kurain style tea. Maybe he loved it a bit too much? No pairings here. Sorry about the obnoxious title.


**This one shot features Edgeworth, Maya, and tea. No slashes unless you count Edgeworth/Tea. This story is not to be taken seriously as Miles is OOC at some points, but there is a good reason though.**

"Thank you Miss Fey, for your assistance in our investigation. We've had a breakthrough in the case and require a search of Kurain for clues." Edgeworth was sitting on his knees as he took the first sip of the tea given to him by the master. His pupils dilated as the warm beverage rushed down his esophagus. "This tea is absolutely bitter; however it is so refined as well. It's almost like my cerebral cortex is being built up by every swig."

"Thank you?" Maya, the new master of the village, just gave a look of confusion trying to figure out what the prosecutor was trying to say. "It's a staple around here to focus all the spiritual energy inside you."

Edgeworth glared at the now 20 year old woman in front of him. "You mean the scam you've been running for hundreds of years. It was proven to be one when your own mother couldn't find my father's real killer." He took a larger sip than before.

Maya ignored the last comment as she looked around to make sure things were running smoothly. "Spirits are human too; they can make mistakes as well."

"The fact still remains." He started to gulp the blend of tea presented. "Could it be quite possible to allow me to have more of this delightful concoction?" He placed down the cup on the flooring.

She put her finger to her lips as she thought about it. "I guess I could let you have a chest of the stuff." With that she ordered for the tea to be given to the man in magenta.

About a few days passed by, the village was still under scrutiny from the police. The prosecutor busted into the master's room. The master awoke, it was about 3 AM. "EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!" The woman shrieked out of fear when she saw a male figure in her room. She also had flung off the sheets and jumped out of bed

"Miss Fey, it's me, Miles Edgeworth. I just wanted to know if you could lend me some more of that beverage of the gods." Maya after almost having a heart attack climbed back into bed and fell back asleep. Edgeworth was not satisfied; He poked her to wake her from her slumber. "I need more tea."

"Ask me tomorrow and get out of my room. I don't want a scandal breaking out over nothing."

"Understood, but may I have tea please?" He was now begging on his knees.

"TOMORROW!" With that shout the prosecutor strolled out of the room.

So with the suns rising, so did the desire for the special blend of tea. Miles' cravat was more ruffled than usual, his hair looked like he was electrocuted by an outlet, and his eyes were bloodshot.

Maya was overseeing the training regimen for the young mediums as they sat under a waterfall. Edgeworth approached the master from behind and placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped when she saw the state of the prosecutor. "Are you okay? You look absolutely terrible."

"TEA GIVE NOW!" A wicked smile appeared across his face. He was grasping at the master's robes as well.

"What's gotten into you? You're using terrible grammar. I always thought you were a grammar Nazi."

"Me use grammar well."

A long drawn out sigh was given by the master medium. "I guess I'll have to use the patch." Meanwhile in the background she heard a five year old medium screaming, "WES NOS LIKES PATCH, WES HATES IT! YOU TAKES PRECIOUS AWAY! NOOOOOOOO!" _On second thought maybe I should raise his spiritual power._

She ordered for a cup of tea to be brought. A younger medium brought the cup and handed it to the crazed man. He slammed down the scalding hot liquid. He started to cough as his body rejected the burning drink. "Slow down!"

Edgeworth finally reached a more stable state. "So, may I have some more tea?" His hands were shaking as he reached out with both of them as if he was receiving a gift.

"No more tea, you're addicted to the stuff."

"No I am not. Why would I, a refined gentleman, be addicted to a substance?" He continued to jitter uncontrollably.

"It's not uncommon for someone with low spirit capacity to be addicted to it. It does fill your body with more energy than you normally can handle. Usually it's a very young girl who can't handle it, but it's very funny that you are addicted."

"I can't believe you would suggest such nonsense. I am not giving up this drink. I enjoy the flavor."

"Then it's time to bring out the medium in you." She called for two women who brought the prosecutor into the changing room. They forced him into an acolyte uniform.

Wearing tight fitting clothing did not appease to Miles. "I look absolutely ridiculous." He played with the loose fitting purple jacket and the sash keeping the garment from opening in the front. "There is a draft as well. It reminds me of the time I was forced to wear a kilt."

"I guess you do." Maya walked up and messed with his hair. She took his hair and made a topknot in it. "There, now you look like a medium."

Edgeworth grumbled, he hoped that no one in the investigation would find him cross-dressing. "I don't approve of this."

"If you want to drink the tea, you have to raise your spirit capacity."

"This rubbish again?"

Maya paid no attention to that last comment as she led him to a waterfall. It was the coldest waterfall in the region and was best suited for training. "Sit under here." She forced him under the torrential downpour of water.

"ERGH, T-that's c-c-cold" He grabbed his shoulders to retain body heat.

"Just shut up, relax and repeat after me, 'I am one with the dead, I will let them control my body unopposed.'"

"Why would I do that?"

"Look, do you want the tea or not?"

"I do…"

Several hours passed by, Maya was "supervising" as she ate her dinner. A large group of mediums old and young sat and watched as a man was undergoing training. Some were wondering if a man could channel a spirit. "All done!"

Trying to remove the cross-dressing man proved to be a difficult task. His body was limp as some of the mediums cheered him to get up. The strength finally came; he slowly moved his legs and stood up slowly. He was pale white, his teeth chattered ceaselessly as well. When he sat down on a chair with a towel around him several young women gathered around to "warm him up."

The next day came with even more training. "Next thing is to start with your first channeling. I picked someone easy, Glen Elg" She flashed a picture of the deceased man.

"You are joking, right?" He was once again in his robes with the same ridiculous look. He patted his hair still wondering how he found his way into this mess.

"Nope."

"You won't take no for an answer?"

"Yup" She nodded her head slowly. "Just take the man's image and close your eyes. Let yourself search through the spirit world. Then hold out your hand and take him in."

Edgeworth was tired of fighting and gave it a shot. "HRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!" His eyes were closed and his face strained.

"Do you need some laxatives? 'Cause if you do we have some."

Then right after that comment he started to change his appearance. Maya was pleasantly surprised, "I'm impressed even though your spiritual level is…"

"Over 9000!" The programmer was now inside Edgeworth's body. He flung up his hands as if he won the lottery.

_Oh great!_ "Spirit severing technique!" She grabbed the nearest blunt object and forced the spirit out.

A few moments later Edgeworth rubbed the back of his head as he slowly sat up. "Erg, what happened?"

"You did it, but I had to force the spirit out."

"Was it going to do unthinkable acts with my body?"

"Err, it was using overused internet memes."

Edgeworth took in a deep breath to calm himself. "Can I quit now? I can't stand any more of this hooliganism."

Maya clasped her hands together. "Just one more thing, join the support group."

"No, I will not need any more help from you. I'll join a real support group."

A week later in a small white room…

A woman was standing up in a circle of chairs filled with people. "I am Riley Adreal, and I am addicted to adrenaline." The rest of the group said hi except the prosecutor. _This is ridiculous and a waste of my time._

The leader of the group commented on how serious being addicted to adrenaline can be. "Who's next, you there, in the frilly thing. Give your name and what your addiction is."

"My name is Miles Edgeworth and I am addicted to Kurain style tea."

A thug looking guy was being serious and asked, "Is that a street name for some type of anti-depressant."

"No it's tea that comes from Kurain village." The entire group exploded into laughter mocking his addiction. "It's a huge problem over there."

"Yeah, and I thought that being addicted to touching feet was stupid."

The leader tried to calm everyone down. "I know that this is a little extreme, but we *Snicker* should take it… HAHAHAHAHAHA I can't take it seriously."

_I should have just used the support group at Kurain._

**Poor Edgeworth, all he wanted was tea. Yeah, I know only women can channel spirits, but I needed him to do it anyways. Did you like the story? Leave a comment by reviewing. Until my next wacky one-shot, farewell.**


End file.
